Michael's 1 am Fashion Update

Michael's 1 am Fashion Update:

Times are hard out there save this winter with my helpful tips...

1. Scarves out of Budget? Grow a mop of unkempt hair, it will keep you warm and can be dyed different colors repeatedly till it falls out. P

lus! you'll save on Dating because girls will be generally repulsed! SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR STEP 2 SUPPLIES!

2. No time for Eye Makeup before that big interview?
try Insomnia, excessive alcohol($) and internet induced sleep deprivation! - (also Crack...$$$) this will give you that raccoon-chic ring under eye and that sunken puffy look you see on all the best A-Team Street Walkers rock as seen in this Educational Film:

3. Drive a Prius, rich celebrities do it and its eco-conscious, save the endangered wetland-albino off-key pigmy-screech owl persona will mask the "fact" that you're "in fact" a Cheap F#c*, this can be further boosted by acting smug and stealing parking spaces silently while in EV mode for max D-bagery, try to get the most effeminate color possible like sky blue and avoid trying to man it up by calling it Clear Water "Metallic"

4. Keep fingernails well groomed by out sourcing dirty car projects to your brother's slave labor, He's upstate anyway, I'm pretty sure they don't have minimum wage laws.

5. If you're not sure you pulled it off try it out in a hipstery bar in Setauket to test it out, if its going flat, tell everyone its a retro look you picked up in Redhook and order a PBR.